A Prego Rant

Well, I haven't posted on here for 9 months now. I have pretty much given up with the blog. I just don't want to upkeep it. However, I need to vent and this seems like a good place to do it. I don't want to call someone I love and complain so I am using this as my personal journal today. But I don't really care who reads it. Fair warning- it is a mostly negative post, so stop reading now if you can't hack it.

My life is good. Really good actually. I have SO much that I am grateful for and so many things that I never thought I would have. I have the things that most people want in life. A wonderful husband that loves me, works hard to provide for our family, makes a good living and is completely willing to let me spend his hard-earned money however I want to. He is a good man, who honors the priesthood. He loves our children and is a good father to them. He is amazing and I adore him. My kids are all healthy, beautiful, well-adjusted, happy (most of the time), have no social issues and have only the normal age-appropriate behavior issues any parent deals with. That is truly something to be thankful for- and I am. I am able to have my dream job as a stay-at-home mom. I know so many people that want to do this and can't. It is a blessing and I recognize that. We all do have those days, no matter what our job is, when we would rather be doing somebody else's job. That said- I am happy with my job and I love my kids like crazy.

All in all, my life is exactly what I want it to be. Except for one thing. I'm pregnant and it SUCKS! Let me quickly clarify that statement. I am happy to be expecting this baby- I love her already and I can't wait to hold her in my arms. She is VERY much wanted. I am thrilled that she is healthy and thankful she is joining our family. I have been blessed to have been pregnant 4 times before now and I knew what came with the territory. It's not pretty. Pregnancy is riddled with awful symptoms. Just to name a few: nausea, vomiting, dry heaving, knock-down drag-out fatigue, headaches, aversions to all things smelly, pregnancy brain (ditzy & forgetful), moodiness, back pain, stretch marks, constipation, hemorrhoids, varicose veins, insane cravings, random bursts of ravenous hunger, sleepless nights, leg cramps, squashed-bladder syndrome, difficulty breathing, being kicked in your ribs repeatedly, swollen ankles, HEARTBURN, lack of lap space for other kids, inability to shave legs, put on socks, paint toe nails etc., strangers touching your belly and asking you questions that are none of their business, watching the scale go up and up and up, painful braxton hicks contractions and just generally feeling like poop. Say nothing of the actual labor, delivery, recovery and post partum issues.

I expected all these things. I knew they were inevitable. They stink, but that's okay and I can get over them. What is really bothering me about this pregnancy is an unexpected problem that is making my life absolutely miserable. All it is, is a tiny little pinched nerve in my left hip. Doesn't sound like a big deal, right? Let me just say this. All those awful things I listed above, I have experienced and was willing to experience them again and again to have more children. But if this were my first pregnancy and the ONLY issue I had was the pain from this pinched nerve, I would not be having any more children again. Period.

I have been suffering from this for a few months and it is getting worse. I am not just sitting by and letting this happen to me. I have been proactive. Stretches, exercises, physical therapy, a TENS unit, chiropractic and when all else fails, Vicodin. I have an appointment for acupuncture even. So here I am, counting down the weeks (9 till I'm due, 5 till she can be born safely)and trying to make it one day at a time. I dread every time I have to go from sitting to standing or vice versa. Bending over, carrying anything more than 2 pounds, walking around the grocery store, stepping in and out of the shower, doing laundry, FREAKING putting my pants on- it all hurts! Stairs are the bane of my existence. I hate them. I HATE them. The only time I get relief is when I sit perfectly still or when I am sleeping. But of course when you are sleeping you can't stay in one position all night, especially if you are pregnant. That means rolling over. Guess how much fun that is for me. I am incredibly frustrated that I can't do the everyday things that I need and want to do. I hate not being able to live up to my responsibilities. To sum it all up: I am crippled and hurting constantly. And it sucks. And I hate it.

I hate that my family is suffering from it too. My house is a wreck and I have been a craptastic homemaker as of late. We eat like crap because it is too hard to get around the kitchen for any amount of time to make a decent meal. My poor toddler can't even have her mom hold her unless I am sitting down. My kids are picking up the slack where they can. For the most part they are understanding and helpful, but I can see it is frustrating for them that mom is not functioning at full-capacity. My husband? Well- he is Superman. He comes home from a long day at work and then does anything and everything that needs done that I can't do. And then he hugs me when I cry about how hard my day has been. He is wonderful- he is patient- he is my hero- he deserves sainthood and I can't sing his praises enough. God truly chose to favor me when He put him in my life.

I know the pain will end one day soon and eventually I will forget how horrific this pregnancy was. I will have a sweet little girl to make it all worth the pain. And I don't doubt that she will be worth it. But for now, I just needed to vent because this sucks really bad and I just had to say so.